Reflection: 2009

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Co-directed a 6 day long film festival! It was a lot of work, but I loved it. Asian American independent filmmaking reminds me why I want to make movies in the first place. It was a great collaboration between AAA Film Festival, Southeast Asian Graduation, and the Asian Pacific Islander Queer organizations. The different APIA orgs in Davis often appear to be doing their own separate things, but it was wonderful to use the film festival as a way to bring them all together. Hefty task, but so worth it. And we managed to get Amyn Kaderali and Jimmy Tsai to be our special guests. Sure, I've been meeting famous directors and writers here in film school, but the independent filmmakers that do the movies they want to do--the ones you don't know--are equally important sources of inspiration for me. And I'm grateful to have met them personally...and to be their Facebook friend :) Film Festival engulfed most of my senior year (well, socially), but I have no regrets. It was one of the best experiences of my life.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't really make resolutions. I suppose I should, but my outlook is pretty much the same every year. It's basically this--Cherish the moment, especially the ones that get to your core. Love (even if they don't love in return) and have fun.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Two births towards the end of the year:
My cousin Anthony and his wife Gee had Baby Alaya in October
My cousin Jane and her husband Biren had Baby Amar just a few days ago on Dec 29th.
And my cousin Rutchelle and her husband, Allan are expecting in April 2010. My generation's starting to make babies. So happy to be a tita.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No one thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?

Sadly I did not travel abroad this year. My 2008 summer trip to London took out too much money.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Visit another country. Somewhere in Europe, Asia or better yet--both. I definitely want to head back to the Philippines, especially since my Nanay's getting older, past 80, and well, you know....

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

AAA Film Festival!!! (May 5-8 and 12-15, 2009)
Graduation (June 13?, 2009)
These are pretty self-explanatory...

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

A repeat of #7 along with getting into film school.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I don't really see things as failures.... I've made mistakes, of course. But labeling something as a "failure" just makes one's outlook on life so pessimistic and makes one's actions null and void.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing serious, just a cold.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My MacBook Pro.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

While I could put a famous person in here... I say

• Everyone in AAA, AAA Film Fest, SEAGrad, and APIQ (You guys worked so hard to bring the community together during film festival!)
• My FA family (It's great to see that you guys are keeping filmmaking alive in Davis, even after most of us have graduated. Way to wrangle up freshman!)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

No one I know personally, and I'm sure you know the list of celebrities that are receiving hateration.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Living.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

AAA Film Festival, grad school, graduation. They're all tied. I'm repeating myself again...

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

"Poker Face" by Lady Gaga was ALWAYS and still is on the radio. But her acoustic version that she performed on the Ellen show will always stand out. She did an amazing job, and that performance made me fall for the Gaga.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

happier, a tad thinner (thank you, film school), poorer (thank you, film school, but I'm happier and that's what matters)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

A bit more of my own film projects, but I did have a lot of fun helping other people on their own shoots. And I wish I took more art classes. Intro to Drawing with Bryce was fun, and I wish I took painting with him, or did a ceramics class.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Work (And I sadly need it or else I feel agitated. I'm like a Border Collie.)

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent time with the family and had a party with relatives. The highlight of the party was when my uncle offered me a shot of rum.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Not in a romantic sense, but I fell in love with people--the APIA community and the filmmaking community in UC Davis. Wish I did fall in love, even though I would've probably fallen out of it after graduation... I fell for my friends, which matters at the end.

22. How many one-night stands?

Zilch, and I'll try to keep it that way....hopefully. Probably.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

There's a good amount of shows I love, but I'm putting True Blood in here because I'm actually up to date on it.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

While there are a few who irritate me, I'm a lover, not a hater.

25. What was the best book you read?

Oh so many, both novels and graphic novels. But here are some honorable mentions:

Graphic novels:

• Luna Park
• Fables series
• Y: The Last Man
• The DMZ
  

Novels:

• The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
• Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
• The Brief Life of Oscar Wao
• The Book Thief
• Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
• Fool
• Crooked Little Vein
  

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Asobi Seksu
and...
Wednesday Night Karaoke at Lucky Strikes

27. What did you want and get?

To graduate (a quarter early!) and get into film school.

28. What did you want and not get?

A romantic something--the mixedsignalsfromguyfriendsbutnoactionbecausewe'rebothidiotic led me to a state of romantic apathy towards the end of senior year which was unfortunate.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

There were a few good films this year, but Up was the one that was the most memorable to me.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

22! It was during Orientation week. Beth and Luke, two people who I just met during the week (but who are my besties now) gave me a cupcake and a balloon. It made my day and I got pretty emotional inside. I just met them at the time, but that small gesture made me so happy. I will never forget it.

There was also a mixer at the Lazy Dog Cafe with faculty and students. My friend, Ed (who I also just met that week) told the waiter it was my birthday, so of course the embarrassing singing and presentation of a cake occurred.

All these kind actions that were done to me made me realize--there's a family slowly but surely forming in Chapman--these are relationships that will last beyond school. I should cherish it.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

See #28. Oh, and more contemporary dance classes.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Lumberjack chic--my newfound obsession with flannel shirts.

33. What kept you sane?

My family, both by blood and by bond.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Robert Downey Jr. He made quite the comeback.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

The massacre in Magindinao due to the elections there. While there has always been political corruption in the Philippines, this just brought it to a whole new level. The poverty there is a socio-political issue that will always stir me, but the growing hostility in the southern region due to the tension between the Muslim population and the mostly Catholic Filipino government and military adds a new layer to an already dire situation.

36. Who did you miss?

I miss my family and my Davis family when I'm in Orange. And I miss my Chapman family when I'm home. Oh the reversals...

37. Who was the best new person you met?

Can't narrow it down to one person so... My fellow Chapman film family!

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

To not devalue myself and my abilities (thank you, McCrack)

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I can't think of a song that sums up everything, but this one does a good job.

"This Tornado Loves You" - Neko Case

My love I am the speed of sound.
I left them motherless, fatherless.
Their souls dangling inside out from there mouths.
But it's never enough.
I want you....

Carved your name across three counties.
Ground it in with bloody hides.
Their broken necks will line the ditch.
'Til you stop it.
Stop it. stop it. stop it.
Stop this madness.
I want you.....

I have waited with a glacier's patience.
Smashed every transformer with trailer.
'Til nothing was standing 65 miles wide.
Still you are nowhere.
Still you are nowhere.
Nowhere in sight.
Come out to meet me, run out to meet me.
Come into the light.

Climb the boxcars to the engine,
Through the smoke and to the sky.
Your rails have always outrun mine.
So I picked them up and crashed them down,
In a moment close to now.
'Cause i miss, i miss, i miss....
How you'd sigh yourself to sleep.
When I'd wrack the springtime across your sheets.

My love I am the speed of sound.
I left them motherless, fatherless.
There souls dangling insde out from there mouths,
But it's never enough.
My love I'm an owl on the sill in the evening.
But morning finds you,
Still warm and breathing.

This tornado loves you.....
What will make you believe me?
This tornado loves you....
What will make you believe me?

"And, in the end, the love you take / Is equal to the love you make."

Yes, I beat Beatles: Rock Band. With my voice. The ending has this great animation that has beautiful hints of anime and psychedelic. But what made it the perfect ending was that they sing the ending couplet of "The End":

"And, in the end, the love you take / Is equal to the love you make."

Those words alone got to me. A nice epiphany to start the New Year.
(And "The End" is one of their songs I haven't heard in a very long time, so it was a wonderful surprise to hear those lyrics with virgin ears.)

The vid isn't really a spoiler since you can easily access it on Youtube. So please watch away...






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My 2010... according to my horoscope

Horoscopes never cease to amuse me. July will be a very busy month apparently. November seems pretty boring, though. I think I should live my life according to this chart. Hehe. Thanks, Tiff for the link. :)

Food Porn | Christmas/Pasko Ponderings: Baking Marathon or How Food=Identity

Oh the Christmas spirit--I've had this conversation topic come up with a few of my friends. All of us have been asking the same question: Where did the Christmas magic go? Ok, I went to Disneyland during its Christmas setup, but that's a different kind of magic... especially now that my friends and I discovered a very nice bar in the restaurant known as Ariel's Grotto (btw, it's in California Adventure). But what I really mean is the lack of excitement we had as kids. You know the one--awaiting for presents from Santa, staying up late to try and sneak a peek at the Big Guy, waking up early to be the first to open presents, eating so many cookies that you got a stomachache... Christmas was indeed very magical. There was so much innocent anticipation about anything and everything. The smallest things excited you, even being an angel during the school Christmas pageant was exciting despite tripping on your heavenly robes. And now... well, not so much the same level of excitement. This is not to say that Christmas isn't special. For me, Christmas means home. It means being with my family. It means seeing the friends I haven't seen in a long time. And it means I have two weeks to not stress about anything--no school, no work, no drama. Regardless of all of these wonderful things, the innocent glee I had as a kid is gone. But....!

I believe it's more bittersweet than sad. It just means the natural progression and realization that, "Whoa girl, you're living!" It means that now I'm an adult(ish), and that my appreciation of Christmas and the joy that I feel must come from something deeper than the Kirby Superstar I got for my Super Nintendo. And here is where I begin to talk about food....

Ever since I was a kid, I helped my mom bake for hours and hours, making Christmas treats we would package and give out as gifts to relatives and friends. It was something I greatly looked forward to as a kid, and I feel the same anticipation now. While it might not be the "Ooo sugar time!" thoughts I had growing up, the feeling of excitement still remains. And it goes even deeper....

It connects me to the Filipina part of my Filipina American self (for me, there must be both: Filipina and American. One isn't stronger or more important than the other. It's symbiotic, baby.). It is the realization that there is a history behind a recipe--that I am making food the way many Filipinos have done since that food was invented, that I am using the polvoron mold exactly the way my grandma, my Nanay taught me when she used to live with us--before she moved back to the Philippines when I was eleven. While some Filipinos I meet often give me a look of disapproval and disappointment not being fluent in Tagalog or Pangasinan, or for acting too "Americanized," they fail to realize that "Filipino-ness" is more internal than one's voice and appearance. It is the appreciation of one's heritage. It is an embrace of the history that lies within one's cultural identity. I embrace mine through food (and karaoke).

And I will share this embrace with you.

Enjoy.
(Recipes below... )

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Polvoron is candy made from powdered milk, sugar, and butter. With that combination, you really can't go wrong. I don't know the exact history behind it, but it came as a result of the American occupation of the Philippines after WWII when preserved goods such as Spam, Vienna Sausage, and yes--powdered milk were introduced. The recipe I use is taken from my mom's torn and worn out 20-year-old cookbook, Philippine Cookbook by Elisa P. Olandres. My family makes this every Christmas. One of my fondest childhood memories is making this with my Nanay and moving the molds around in circles on a plate to form the candy. My Kuya (older bro) and I used to go crazy doing this trying to race each other. Fun times.

• 1 cup flour
• 1 cup powdered milk
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup melted butter (after making this for a few years, it should actually be more like 2/3 cup of butter...)
  
• 1 teaspoon lemon extract (or lemon juice... or if you want to be even more authentic use calamansi juice)
• Optional: 1/4 cup finely chopped peanuts, walnuts, or pinipig (toasted glutinous rice. Similar to Rice Krispies)

Using no oil, put flour in a pan over medium heat until lightly browned. Note: stir, stir and stir some more. Once browned, remove and put in a bowl.

Into the bowl, add powdered milk, sugar, butter, and lemon/calamansi extract/juice. Mix well. Gently fold in nuts or pinipig.

Let the mixture sit for about twenty minutes or so to let everything settle. If you were to mold the candy right away, the candy wrappers get all oily and not very tasty-looking.

Mold in candy or cookie molds. There are also molds made specifically for polvoron which you can buy in most Filipino grocery stores or online.


To use the polvoron mold, you basically just spoon the mixture into a pile onto the plate then you gently press the mold on top of it. Hold the mold and press it down onto the plate, moving it around in circles to take out the excess and to make the form settle.

Press down on the lever...


And voila! Polvoron candy pops out.


Wrap in cellophane, wax, or tissue paper.


Yum.



Puto is steamed rice cake. Although, it's more of a muffin, really. And one should not confuse it with the masculine form of puta. Yes, there are some Spanish words used in tagalog. But really, "I got a puto in my mouth" just wouldn't fly the same way in Manila as it would in say, South America (tee-hee). I can't really give much of a history lesson about puto since it's one of those foods that have just always been around. I'm sure you've seen variations of it in other Asian cuisines. It's a basic recipe that incorporates two very Filipino (and very Asian) cooking concepts: rice and steaming. There are many variations of puto, based on the ingredients you add, but this one is the basic and very simple puto puti, or putong puti. There are some recipes for this that do it the "quick" way using, of all things, Bisquick. I tried these recipes and found them weird. The puto looks like puto, but tastes way to close to pancakes. The point of puto is the taste of rice. And on the other hand, I could go all out and have rice sit in water overnight before grinding it into flour, but I don't grind wheat to make the flour I use to bake cookies, so why should I do the same for puto?

• 2 cups rice flour (you can buy this in any Asian grocery store)
• 3 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 2/3 cup sugar
• pinch of salt
• 2 cups of coconut milk
• 2 tablespoons of water (I really have no idea what this does since it's such a small amount, but the recipe works, so I don't want to mess with it)
• Optional: grated coconut, anise seeds, or grated cheese for topping
  

Mix all the ingredients until smooth.


Spray molds with Pam. Since my mom's a nurse we use medicine cups since they're free. You can also use small creme brulee cups, muffin tins, etc. Fill molds 2/3 of the way full.



Put on toppings if desired. I use cheese--because it's cheese.


Arrange molds into a steamer and steam for 20-30 minutes. Note: The boiling water shouldn't be too vigorous. Just keep the heat to a nice medium to medium high. If the temperature is too high, the puto will cook too quickly and have a grainy texture, but if the temperature's to low, it will take too long to cook and all you'll have is a puddle of muddy white stuff.


You can use the toothpick test to check for doneness. And when you're done out pops the puto!




I actually like using the small medicine cups because the puto is so tiny and cute.

In addition to these yummies, my mom and I also made pecan tarts and petit fours. I don't even remember when my mom started baking these things. All I know is I've been making them with her ever since I could remember. These recipes are like little pieces of myself, so I hope you enjoyed them :)


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Afterthoughts: Film school, first semester (oh and new layout)

"The making of a film is my life. The film is not."
- John Cameron Mitchell

Oh, so I decided to put an entirely new layout and title. While Scribbler will forever be my film nickname thanks to DRA 170 class with Jose, I needed a more professional-looking blog. And to claim a production company this early in my career just seemed too cheesy. Yes, cheesy. Like Velveeta. In any case...

My first semester as a grad student Dodge College is officially over. Whoa. Yes, I survived the beginning of my film school adventure. And it was a damn good adventure. I met a lot of new people--and for the first time I felt like, "Wow, these people actually understand me!" Film people meeting other film people--quite the concept, isn't it? I have my own film school family here. I mean, when you do Wednesday Karaoke night with the same group of friends each week that basically means you're all family. If those people can stand your horrid karaoke singing each week that means they love you. But of course it's not film school without the film. It seemed like every weekend there was a movie to be made. I've made movies at the beach, in deserted roads, from the trunk of a car, and in bathrooms. I played an abused woman, a girl attacked by a doll, a dream girl, and a pregnant teenager with a slit throat. Not many people can say that they've had fake blood sitting in their fridge, or that they sat on top of a moving car holding onto the camera to shoot a tracking shot. It was truly a joy working working on my own as well as other people's films. Yes, it was stressful. Yes, we were all sleep-deprived. But we loved it because we were creating something. Together. And of course, free food makes up for most of the pain, as well as the drinks. They don't call it the Martini Shot for nothing. Shazam.

When I look at the exercises I've done for my production workshop I know they weren't the most cinematic or "professional" looking, but I'm truly proud of my work because I learned from each project. Each exercise helped me to delve deeper into understanding the filmmaking process. It's more internal than simply pointing the camera and pressing the record button. I'm learning how to better communicate to my actors and crew. And, more importantly, I'm learning how to get out of my shell in order to make the movie I want to make. And my shell does need an extra tap or two. People don't often realize how difficult it can be to look someone straight in the eye and say something. Or to touch someone you barely know, put your own hand on their thigh and say, "This is how I want you to touch her for this scene." If you can't tell already, many of the lessons I've learned while making a film are just as relevant to real life. I'll be cliche and add the famous Jean-Luc Godard quote to make my point, "The cinema is truth twenty-four times per second."

In closing, I can honestly say that I've grown as a filmmaker, and as a person within these 4 months. I can never look at movies the same way again, nor can I ever really look at myself the same way either. (Thank you, acting workshop!) I know more, yet there is, of course, more to learn. I'm still in progress, but this semester has showed that I'm off to a decent start. It wasn't smooth. The transition was sure as hell not savvy, but I did it. And that should count for something.